Quran
Hadith
Islamic Text
بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ
In the Name of Allah Most Merciful Most Kind
Short Answer
Yes, it is Haram to cry loudly. This is also referred to as wailing or lamenting. It is Haram when one cries with exaggerated sounds or laments the dead whilst crying. Crying without wailing or lamenting is permitted.
First Hadith
النَّائِحَةُ إِذَا لَمْ تَتُبْ قَبْلَ مَوْتِهَا، تُقَامُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَعَلَيْهَا سِرْبَالٌ مِنْ قَطِرَانٍ، وَدِرْعٌ مِنْ جَرَبٍ
Abu Malik al-Ash’ari (May Allah Most High be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘If the wailing woman does not repent before she dies, she will be made to stand on the Day of Resurrection wearing a garment of tar and her lower-garment will be an intense rash.’ (Sahih Muslim 934 – 29).
It is not correct to say that it is wrong to cry when a loved one passes away. Rather, the blessed Prophet ﷺ himself cried at times. The prohibition is upon wailing or lamenting. Meaning producing exaggerated sounds or speaking whilst crying.
وَالْوَيْل أَن يَقُول عِنْد الْمُصِيبَة: وَا ويلاه. (عمدة القاري)
Wailing is to say, at the time of calamity, O the calamity. (Imam Badr al-Deen al-Ayni, Umdatu al-Qari).
وَهُوَ قَوْلُ: وَا وَيْلَاهُ، وَا حَسْرَتَاهُ. (مرقاة المفاتيح)
It is a person saying: O the calamity. O the loss. (Imam Ali al-Qari, Mirqaat al-Mafateeh).
It is interesting to note that the Hadith above refers to females. Wailing and crying loudly is seen as a female practice and thus a female is referenced. Therefore, one could suggest that there is twice the sin upon a male engaging in such lamentation or crying loudly. Since, he is both imitating females and contravening the above Hadith.
Second Hadith
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: اثْنَتَانِ فِي النَّاسِ هُمَا بِهِمْ كُفْرٌ: الطَّعْنُ فِي النَّسَبِ وَالنِّيَاحَةُ عَلَى الْمَيِّتِ
Abu Hurairah (May Allah Most High be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘Two (things) are found in people which are rejection (Kufr): disparaging lineage and lamenting the dead.’ (Sahih Muslim 67 – 121).
In the above Hadith narration, the blessed Prophet ﷺ described crying loudly or wailing as a form of Kufr (rejection/unbelief). Despite such strong statements from the merciful Prophet ﷺ many in our community persist in such flagrant disobedience.
Although the Hadith is not understood to mean that a person who cries or laments loudly is literally a disbeliever, it must be recognised that it is a dire warning:
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: لَيْسَ مِنَّا مَنْ ضَرَبَ الخُدُودَ، وَشَقَّ الجُيُوبَ، وَدَعَا بِدَعْوَى الجَاهِلِيَّةِ
(Sayidina) Abdullah (bin Masood, May Allah be pleased with him) said, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and wails the wailing of ignorance is not from us.’ (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1297).
The Hadith above again reiterates the point that wailing or crying loudly is not the way of the believers. Rather, it is the way of the ignorant pagans. As for believers, they may well cry at the death of a loved one. However, they will not go beyond that which is natural and permitted. This means they will shed tears but not shout or scream.
Misconceptions
Many people respond to the prohibition upon wailing by saying, we cannot control ourselves. This is a clear error. It is inconceivable that Allah (Most High) would prohibit something that most people are incapable of refraining from.
Conclusion
When a loved one dies, it is an opportunity for family members to express their love and obedience to Allah Most High. In obeying the sacred law of Allah Most High in such difficult circumstances, one truly demonstrates how he prioritises his Lord Most High over all else.
And Allah Most High Knows Best.
–Answered by Shaykh Noorud-deen Rashid (15.06.23)
