Does a woman have to obey her husband in all permitted matters?

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

In the Name of Allah Most Merciful Most Kind

Short Answer

Undoubtedly, a woman must disobey her husband in Haram or prohibited matters. As for permitted matters, it is a more detailed discussion. The general rule is that a woman must obey her husband in matters that relate to his rights. But she does not have to obey him in all matters.

Explanation

وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ

And for them (women) is similar to what is upon them according to what is right. (Surah al-Baqarah, 228).

In the verse above, we find that Allah (Most High) has given the man and woman similar rights in marriage. There are some differences. The wife has certain rights the husband does not and vice versa. But the general rule is the rights are similar. The wife must obey her husband when it impacts his rights. The husband must also fulfil the wife’s rights.

The fact that the husband is the head of the household does lead to him having a type of authority. That authority must be respected. However, the husband must observe the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet ﷺ and remain merciful and lenient.

Commentary

ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ قَالَ: إِنِّي أُحِبُّ أَنْ أَتَزَيَّنَ لِلْمَرْأَةِ، كَمَا أُحِبُّ أَنْ تَتَزَيَّنَ لِي الْمَرْأَةُ، لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى يَقُولُ: {وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ} [البقرة: 228]، وَمَا أُحِبُّ أَنْ أَسْتَنْظِفَ جَمِيعَ حَقِّي عَلَيْهَا، لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى يَقُولُ: {وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ}. [البقرة: 228]

(Sayidina Abdullah) Ibn Abbas said: Indeed, I love to adorn myself for the wife as I love for the wife to adorn herself for me. As Allah (Most High) says: For them (women) is similar to what is upon them, according to what is right. (Surah al-Baqarah, 228). And I do not want to exhaust my entire right upon her as Allah Most High says: For men is a degree upon them. (Surah al-Baqarah, 228). (Musanaf Ibn Abi Shaybah, 19263).

The great Sahabi and exegete of the Holy Quran, Sayidina Abdullah Ibn Abbas (May Allah Most High be pleased with them both) explains the verse above. He makes it clear that the verse equates between the rights of men and women. Therefore, the default position is that men and women have the same rights in a marriage.

His interpretation for the second part would surprise many. Since he has explained the rank men have been given above women, as that of greater sacrifice. He did not explain it as superiority or absolute authority.

Having said that, Islam does dictate that the man is the head of the household. Therefore, the wife and children must respect that authority. Thus, the wife must obey her husband in that context. And the husband must learn the Sunnah method of exercising such authority.

Her wealth

There are many decisions the wife can make that do not impact the rights of the husband. In these areas the wife is not required to obey her husband. However, it would still be advisable to consult the husband. It is generally advisable for husband and wife to work together and keep each other informed.

However, legally speaking the husband has no rights attached to the wife’s money. Therefore, she does not require his permission to spend her wealth as she sees fit. Thus, she does not need to obey her husband regarding her wealth.

قَالَ أَصْحَابنَا إِذا اجْتمع للْمَرْأَة عقلهَا وَبَلغت جَازَ تصرفها فِي مَالهَا بكرا كَانَت أَو ثَيِّبًا وَهُوَ قَول الشَّافِعِي. (مختصر اختلاف العلماء)

Our companions (the Hanafis) said: If a woman has reached puberty and her mind is sound, it is permissible for her to dispose of her property. Whether she is a virgin or not. This is also the opinion of al-Shafi’i. (Imam Abu Ja’far al-Tahawi 321H, Mukhtasar Ikhtilaaf al-Ulama).

 

Imam al-Tahawi made it abundantly clear, in the Nass (text) above, that a Muslim woman who is adult and sane has the right to spend her money how she wishes. In the following Nass Imam Qadi Khan goes further and explains that any judge that opposes this will have his judgement rejected.

امرأة بلغت مبلغ النساء عاقلة فتصرفت في مالها كالعتق ونحو ذلك بغير إذن زوجها فرفع الأمر إلى القاضي فأبطل القاضي تصرفها كان قضاؤه باطلا وإن قال بعض الناس إن تصرف المرأة في مالها لا ينفذ بغير إذن الزوج لأن هذا قول مهجور فلا ينفذ فيه قضاؤه. (فتاوى قاضيخان)

A woman who has reached the age of puberty and is sane, disposes of her money. Such as by freeing a slave or something similar, without her husband’s permission. If the matter is brought before a judge, and the judge nullifies her action, his ruling is invalid. Despite some people saying that a woman’s disposing of her money is not valid without her husband’s permission. That is an abandoned opinion, so his judgment is not valid. (Imam Fakhr al-Deen al-Awzajandi 592H, Fatawa Qadi Khan).

Hadith

Our blessed Prophet ﷺ routinely commanded Muslim women directly. He ﷺ did not make the command contingent upon the husband’s approval. This was often the case with regards to spending wealth. The Mubarak Prophet ﷺ encourage them to give in charity and did not place it in the context of the husband permitting it.

عَنْ أَسْمَاءَ بِنْتِ أَبِي بَكْرٍ، أَنَّهَا جَاءَتِ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَقَالَتْ: يَا نَبِيَّ اللهِ، لَيْسَ لِي شَيْءٌ إِلَّا مَا أَدْخَلَ عَلَيَّ الزُّبَيْرُ فَهَلْ عَلَيَّ جُنَاحٌ أَنْ أَرْضَخَ مِمَّا يُدْخِلُ عَلَيَّ؟ فَقَالَ: ارْضَخِي مَا اسْتَطَعْتِ، وَلَا تُوعِي فَيُوعِيَ اللهُ عَلَيْكِ

Sayidah Asma bint Abu Bakr narrated that she went to the Prophet ﷺ and said: O Prophet of Allah ﷺ, I have nothing with me, except that which was given to me by Zubair. Is there any sin upon me if I spend a little from that which he has given to me. So, the Prophet ﷺ said: Spend according to your ability. Do not hoard, for Allah will withhold from you. (Sahih Muslim, 1029 – 89).

Imam al-Ayni cited the above Hadith as proof that the wife can spend her wealth without the permission of the husband. Thus, those people who say she must obey her husband regarding all permissible matters are mistaken.

دلت هَذِه الْآيَات على نُفُوذ تصرفها فِي مَالهَا دون إِذن زَوجهَا، وَقَالَ صلى الله عَلَيْهِ وسلمن لزوجة الزبير رَضِي الله عَنهُ: (إرضخي وَلَا توعي فيوعى الله عَلَيْك) مُتَّفق عَلَيْهِ. وَقَالَ: (يَا نسَاء المسلمات، لَا تحقرن جَارة لجارتها وَلَو فرسن شَاة). (عمدة القاري شرح صحيح البخاري)

These Verses indicate the validity of her disposing of her wealth without her husband’s permission. The Prophet ﷺ said to the wife of al-Zubayr (May Allah be pleased with him): Spend, and do not hoard, for Allah will withhold from you. Agreed upon. He ﷺ also said: O Muslim women, do not belittle a neighbor’s gift to another neighbor, even if it is a sheep’s hoof. (Imam Badr al-Deen al-Ayni 855H, Umdatu al-Qari).

The law

We observe so many legal rulings in the Shariah that make it clear that a woman has autonomy over her wealth. For example, she inherits when a relative passes away. This is not contingent upon the husband’s approval. She is also inherited from. Once again, the husband gets no say in this.

The sacred law encourages women to give charity. This is never made dependent upon the husband’s approval. However, what we do find is that she cannot give charity with her husband’s wealth without his permission. In that case she must obey her husband. Since it is his money and thus his right.

Extreme obedience

It is correct to say that some scholars did not observe these concepts. Rather they massively emphasised that a wife must obey her husband. Not only is this over emphasis contrary to the proof and the Madhab, sometimes it led to extreme positions.

Some people went so far, that they said the wife must go out to fight in battle if the husband commands her. In the Nass below we find Imam Ibn Nujaym opposing Imam Ibn Humam when he says it is Fard Kifaayah (communally obligatory) for a woman to go to battle if the husband commands it.

وَفِيهِ نَظَرٌ؛ لِأَنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ لَا يَجِبُ عَلَيْهَا طَاعَةُ الزَّوْجِ فِي كُلِّ مَا يَأْمُرُ بِهِ إنَّمَا ذَلِكَ فِيمَا يَرْجِعُ إلَى النِّكَاحِ وَتَوَابِعِهِ خُصُوصًا إذَا كَانَ فِي أَمْرِهِ إضْرَارٌ بِهَا. (البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق)

This is questionable, because a woman is not obligated to obey her husband in everything he commands. Rather it only applies to matters related to marriage and its necessities. Especially if his command would cause her harm. (Imam Zayn al-Deen Ibn al-Nujaym 970H, al-Bahr al-Raiq).

 

Imam Ibn Abideen further clarified in commentary upon al-Bahr al-Raiq. He explained that a woman is not obliged to fight unless there is a general call to arms. This occurs when Muslims are being attacked in their homes.

وَأَمَّا الْمَرْأَةُ فَلَا وُجُوبَ عَلَيْهَا قَبْلَ النَّفِيرِ الْعَامِّ مُطْلَقًا كَمَا هُوَ صَرِيحُ النَّقْلِ. (منحة الخالق)

As for the woman, there is absolutely no obligation upon her before general mobilisation. As is clearly stated in narration. (Imam Muhammad Ameen Ibn Abideen 1252H, Minhatu al-Khaliq)

Sometimes she must disobey

There are circumstances in which a wife must disobey her husband. In the Nuss (text) below even Imam Ibn Humam obliged the wife to anger her husband and disobey him. This is despite the fact that he took a very different approach to a woman going to battle.

وَلَوْ كَانَ أَبُوهَا زَمِنًا مَثَلًا وَهُوَ مُحْتَاجٌ إلَى خِدْمَتِهَا وَالزَّوْجُ يَمْنَعُهَا مِنْ تَعَاهُدِهِ فَعَلَيْهَا أَنْ تُغْضِبَهُ مُسْلِمًا كَانَ الْأَبُ أَوْ كَافِرًا. (فتح القدير)

For example, if her father is terminally ill and in need of her assistance, but the husband prevented her from taking care of him, then she must enrage him. Irrespective of the father being a Muslim or a disbeliever. (Imam Kamal al-Deen Ibn Humam 861H, Fath al-Qadeer).

Imam Ibn Nujaym quoted Imam Ibn Humam when he addressed the same issue. However, it can be reasonably argued that this Mas’alah (legal issue) is not part of our current discussion. Since, taking care of her father is an obligation. Whereas we are speaking about a wife having to obey her husband in permissible matters.

وَلَوْ كَانَ أَبُوهَا زَمِنًا مَثَلًا وَهُوَ يَحْتَاجُ إلَى خِدْمَتِهَا وَالزَّوْجُ يَمْنَعُهَا مِنْ تَعَاهُدِهِ فَعَلَيْهَا أَنْ تَعْصِيَهُ مُسْلِمًا كَانَ الْأَبُ أَوْ كَافِرًا، كَذَا فِي فَتْحِ الْقَدِيرِ. (البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق)

For example, if her father is terminally ill and in need of her assistance, but the husband prevented her from taking care of him, then she must disobey him. Irrespective of the father being a Muslim or a disbeliever. As stated in Fath al-Qadir. (Imam Zayn al-Deen Ibn al-Nujaym 970H, al-Bahr al-Raiq).

Worship

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ: أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: لاَ يَحِلُّ لِلْمَرْأَةِ أَنْ تَصُومَ وَزَوْجُهَا شَاهِدٌ إِلَّا بِإِذْنِهِ، وَلاَ تَأْذَنَ فِي بَيْتِهِ إِلَّا بِإِذْنِهِ

Abu Hurairah narrates the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: It is not permitted for a woman to fast whilst her husband is present except with his permission. Nor allow anyone to enter his house except with his permission.’ (Sahih al-Bukhari, 5195).    

Some people go so far with the notion of a wife having to obey her husband they say she cannot even worship Allah (Most High) without his permission. This is incredibly misleading. Allah (Most High) is more important to us than husband, wife and everyone else. However, through His divine mercy Allah (Most High) has required us to observe the rights of others.

Therefore, a woman is not to fast, a recommended (Nafl) fast, in the presence of the husband without his permission. This is not because he has authority over her worshipping Allah (Most High). Rather it is due to it impacting his rights.

وَيُكْرَهُ أَنْ تَصُومَ الْمَرْأَةُ تَطَوُّعًا بِغَيْرِ إذْنِ زَوْجِهَا إلَّا أَنْ يَكُونَ مَرِيضًا أَوْ صَائِمًا أَوْ مُحْرِمًا بِحَجٍّ أَوْ عُمْرَةٍ. (الجوهرة النيرة)

It is disliked for a woman to fast Nafl without her husband’s permission. Unless he is sick, fasting, or in a state of Ihram for Hajj or Umrah. (Imam Abu Bakr bin Ali al-Hadadi 800H, al-Jowharah).

 

وَيُكْرَهُ أَنْ تَصُومَ الْمَرْأَةُ تَطَوُّعًا بِغَيْرِ إذْنِ زَوْجِهَا إلَّا أَنْ يَكُونَ مَرِيضًا أَوْ صَائِمًا أَوْ مُحْرِمًا بِحَجٍّ أَوْ عُمْرَةٍ. (الفتاوى الهندية)

It is disliked for a woman to fast Nafl without her husband’s permission. Unless he is sick, fasting, or in a state of Ihram for Hajj or Umrah. (Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyah).

We see in the Nusoos (texts) above, that a woman does not need the husband’s permission to fast if he himself is fasting, or in another state that would not allow him to approach her. This makes it clear that requiring his permission is not a matter of absolute authority he has over her. Rather it is related to his right.

وصوم المرأة تطوعا بغير إذن زوجها إلا أن يكون مريضا أن صائما أو محرما بحج أو عمرة وليس له منع الزوجة في هذه المحال. (حاشية الطحطاوي على مراقي الفلاح شرح نور الإيضاح)

For a woman to fast Nafl without her husband’s permission. Unless he is sick, fasting, or in a state of Ihram for Hajj or Umrah. He cannot prevent her in these situations. (Ahmad bin Muhammad al-Tahtawi 1231H, Haashiyah ala Maraaqi).

وَلَا تَصُومُ الْمَرْأَةُ نَفْلًا إلَّا بِإِذْنِ الزَّوْجِ إلَّا عِنْدَ عَدَمِ الضَّرَرِ بِهِ

بِأَنْ كَانَ مَرِيضًا أَوْ مُسَافِرًا أَوْ مُحْرِمًا بِحَجٍّ أَوْ عُمْرَةٍ فَلَيْسَ لَهُ مَنْعُهَا مِنْ صَوْمِ التَّطَوُّعِ، وَلَهَا أَنْ تَصُومَ وَإِنْ نَهَاهَا لِأَنَّهُ إنَّمَا يَمْنَعُهَا لِاسْتِيفَاءِ حَقِّهِ مِنْ الْوَطْءِ، وَأَمَّا فِي هَذِهِ الْحَالَةِ فَصَوْمُهَا لَا يَضُرُّهُ فَلَا مَعْنَى لِلْمَنْعِ سِرَاجٌ، وَأَطْلَقَ فِي الظَّهِيرِيَّةِ الْمَنْعَ. (رد المحتار على الدر المختار)

Imam al-Haskafi: A woman should not fast Nafl without her husband’s permission, unless there is no harm to him.

Imam Ibn Abideen: If he is sick, traveling, or in a state of Ihram for Hajj or Umrah, then he does not have the right to prevent her from Nafl fasting. She may fast even if he forbids her. Since, he is only permitted to prevent her due to his right to relations. In this case, her fasting does not impact him, so there is no reason for the prevention, Siraj. However, in al-Dhahiriyah, he generalised the prevention. (Radd al-Muhtar).  

Praying Salah

The notion of worship affecting the right of the husband is manifest in Salah as well as fasting. In the following Nass Imam Ibn Abideen explain that a woman does not need the permission of the husband to engage in Nafl or Sunnah prayer. Unless it impacts his rights.

وَلَا تَتَطَوَّعُ لِلصَّلَاةِ وَالصَّوْمِ بِغَيْرِ إذْنِ الزَّوْجِ بَحْرٌ عَنْ الظَّهِيرِيَّةِ. قُلْت: يَنْبَغِي تَقْيِيدُ الصَّلَاةِ بِصَلَاةِ التَّهَجُّدِ فِي اللَّيْلِ؛ لِأَنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ مَنْعًا لِحَقِّهِ وَتَنْقِيصًا لِجَمَالِهَا بِالسَّهَرِ وَالتَّعَبِ وَجَمَالُهَا حَقُّهُ أَيْضًا كَمَا مَرَّ، أَمَّا غَيْرُهُ وَلَا سِيَّمَا السُّنَنُ الرَّوَاتِبُ فَلَا وَجْهَ لِمَنْعِهَا مِنْهَا كَمَا لَا يَخْفَى. (رد المحتار على الدر المختار)

She may not pray Nafl or fast without the husband’s permission. As mentioned in al-Bahr from al-Dhahiriyah. I say: Prayer must be restricted to the Tahajjud prayer at night. Since that would deny him his right and diminish her beauty due to staying awake and exhaustion. Her beauty is his right, as mentioned. As for other than that, especially the Sunnah Rawatib, there is no reason to prevent them. As is clear. (Imam Muhammad Amin Ibn Abideen 1252H, Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar).

From the above discussion, it is clear that people who say the husband has authority over the wife’s worship are absolutely wrong. Only Allah (Most High) has that kind of authority over a person. Rather the issue is one of spousal rights.

Permission to work?

Does the wife have to obey her husband if he prevents her from working? Once again this is an issue of his rights. If they are impacted, then he can prevent her, and she must refrain. However, if his rights are not impacted then he cannot prevent her.

وَاَلَّذِي يَنْبَغِي تَحْرِيرُهُ أَنْ يَكُونَ لَهُ مَنْعُهَا عَنْ كُلِّ عَمَلٍ يُؤَدِّي إلَى تَنْقِيصِ حَقِّهِ أَوْ ضَرَرِهِ أَوْ إلَى خُرُوجِهَا مِنْ بَيْتِهِ أَمَّا الْعَمَلُ الَّذِي لَا ضَرَرَ لَهُ فِيهِ فَلَا وَجْهَ لِمَنْعِهَا عَنْهُ خُصُوصًا فِي حَالِ غَيْبَتِهِ مِنْ بَيْتِهِ، فَإِنَّ تَرَكَ الْمَرْأَةَ بِلَا عَمَلٍ فِي بَيْتِهَا يُؤَدِّي إلَى وَسَاوِسِ النَّفْسِ وَالشَّيْطَانِ أَوْ الِاشْتِغَالِ بِمَا لَا يَعْنِي مَعَ الْأَجَانِبِ وَالْجِيرَانِ. (رد المحتار على الدر المختار)

What should be concluded is that he can prevent her from doing any work that would diminish his rights or cause him harm. Also, if it requires her to leave his house. As for work that does not cause him harm, there is no reason to prevent her from doing it. Especially when he is absent from his house. Indeed, leaving a woman without work in her home leads to insinuations in the soul and Shaitan. Or to becoming occupied with things that do not concern her with strangers and neighbours. (Imam Muhammad Ameen Ibn Abideen 1252H, Radd al-Muhtar).

Imam Ibn Abideen clarifies when a woman can be prevented from working a when she should not be prevented. She should be allowed to work if it does not affect his rights. Importantly, he explains that being completely free is harmful and must be avoided.

In the following Nass (text) Imam Ibn Abideen raises another important consideration. He explains that a woman may need to earn, since the husband is not required to pay for everything she may want.

ثُمَّ إنَّ قَوْلَهُمْ لَهُ مَنْعُهَا مِنْ الْغَزْلِ يَشْمَلُ غَزْلَهَا لِنَفْسِهَا، فَإِنْ كَانَتْ الْعِلَّةُ فِيهِ السَّهَرُ وَالتَّعَبُ الْمُنْقِصُ لِجَمَالِهَا فَلَهُ مَنْعُهَا عَمَّا يُؤَدِّي إلَى ذَلِكَ لَا مَا دُونَهُ وَإِنْ كَانَتْ الْعِلَّةُ اسْتِغْنَاءَهَا عَنْ الْكَسْبِ كَمَا مَرَّ، فَفِيهِ أَنَّهَا قَدْ تَحْتَاجُ إلَى مَا لَا يَلْزَمُ الزَّوْجَ شِرَاؤُهُ لَهَا. (رد المحتار على الدر المختار)

Then their saying: He may prevent her from spinning includes her spinning for herself. If the reason for that is staying up late and exhaustion that diminishes her beauty, then he has the right to prevent her from doing that which leads to it, not anything less than that. But if the reason is that she does not need to earn, as mentioned above, then the issue is that she may need something that the husband is not obligated to buy for her. (Imam Muhammad Ameen Ibn Abideen 1252H, Radd al-Muhtar).

Conclusion

As we have seen from the discussion above, a wife does not have to obey her husband in all permitted matters. She is only obliged to obey him in issues that affect his rights. Many Muslims have taken extreme positions when it comes to this issue.

Some Muslims who have been overly influenced by western liberalism tend to incline towards the wife never being required to obey her husband. This is clearly wrong. Others, who have been overly influenced by their culture, think the wife must be completely obedient.

This group is deeply misguided since that kind of authority is for Allah (Most High) alone. Sometimes these people go to such an extreme they refer to the husband as Majazi Khuda (metaphorical god). Such are the dangers of allowing culture to dictate religious views. They have uttered words of Kufr and Shirk due to the influence of unislamic culture.

And Allah Most High Knows Best.

–Answered by Shaykh Noorud-deen Rashid (30.03.25)